DD Day 5-- Take 2

Today's Scripture: Psalms 139:13

"How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them"

 Today's Talk: "Lord I Believe" Jeffery R. Holland

 Here I am. One week after I felt inspired to start my doubt diet. This should be the last day of the seven day program, but instead I am repeating day five. So far this isn't the "best day ever" Here's the list:

• Had to get dressed in Sunday clothes. Trigger pulled.
• Late for church and missed most of Sacrament. Am I even worthy to take it? Failing as a Daughter of God. CONFIRMED.
• New Stake YW Presidency called. And guess what? They are all young, skinny, pretty, cool runners. Comparison trigger. Pulled. God doesn't have use for me. CONFIRMED.

Okay, so I have to stop doing this. Today, Julie Naisbitt shared her testimony. She was discussing Jeffrey R. Holland's address from this past conference entitled "Lord, I Believe". I don't really remember what she said but I do know the impact it had on me and the thoughts I had. I had been pondering about my broken focusing nob on my spiritual binoculars and how I can fix it. The thought that I had was that I need to rebuild the bridge. The part that connects one side to the other (aka the body hinge). Without being able to connect the two sides, my view will always be one side. So before I can work on the focusing, I need to work on the connection.

The first thing I need to build the bridge is a clear area. I have to remove the gunk that is sitting all over the spot where the body hinge will connect. Something that occurred to me on Friday when I was "off the wagon". Many times in my life I have felt like Martha. That I have so much to do that I forget the needful things. But right now, I may have the opposite problem. David didn't struggle until he was given idle time. He didn't sit on rooftops looking at his neighbors wife until after he had someone to cover the front lines for him. As YW president I often felt overwhelmed so I started carving out "me time". Mostly I started reading. A lot. Everything. I read so much that I'm not sure that I could tell you an individual storyline. They all just melted together. I no longer have a list of things to do on the "front line". Someone else is covering that. Perhaps now I don't have time for the "needful things" because I've dedicated too much time to idleness. I don't want to become like David as soon as I have time to rest on my rooftop. I don't want idleness to give way to a look, a name, a meeting, until I am at the point that I contemplate something that I never would have done before. It is time to clean that spot so I can rebuild the bridge.