I have often been envious of Peter. When walking on the sea towards the Savior in the midst of storm he became afraid and began to sink. Then "he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him..." (Matt. 14:30-31). I am not envious of his ability to walk on water. Or even his nearness to the Christ. I am envious of the swiftness in which the Savior pulled him up. I often feel like I drowned in my depression. That I am sinking under the waves; falling in to the storm that surrounds me. And I always wish for that instantaneous lift. The saving hand. But I never seem to find it. At least not immediately.
I have felt this way for a long time. Until today. Today Kenneth Cope was preforming a song of his entitled "Tell Me" (you can listen to it here:http://www.myspace.com/kennethcopeofficial) and my mind began to connect the dots.........
The day I spent the afternoon crying and posted my terribly sad post was the beginning of my latest challenge......
The next day in my inbox I found a note from my visiting teacher that referenced a video of Kenneth Cope's song "Broken".......
A few days later at the Stake Temple day, my friend extends me an invitation to join her at Time Out for Women......
While at the event, Kenneth Cope performs "Broken"......
During the question and answer session, he references my most dreaded scripture: 2 Nephi 2:25 "...men are that they might have joy". But instead of leaving it at that, he reads the verses that precede it. The verses that put this in context. Reminding me that I can only ever feel joy because I know misery. He continues to remind us that our lives are broken and things won't be fixed until the Savior comes. God knows this and will work with us where ever we are......
Later, Kenneth Cope tells us something that we always tell our Primary children, "God loves you so much". And then he sang the song......
The spirit whispered to me that I no longer needed to be envious of Peter for Christ has given me the same gift. Immediately, once I felt miserable His hand shot out to pull me up. It came through my Visiting Teacher keeping my head above the water long enough to grab the life vest thrown to me by my dear friend. And then through inspired words and music that were designed to uplift and support me. The scriptures tell us that when Christ and Peter "were come into the ship, the wind ceased" (Matt. 14:32). But what they don't tell us here is how long Peter stood amidst the storm with the Savior beside him. Perhaps I stand in my storm longer than I would like, but His hand to support me through it all has always been instant.
8 comments:
It was sooo wonderful to spend the day with you. Before you even mentioned to us about the scripture in Nephi I immediately thought of you. I thought that the Lord really does love each and everyone of us. And he showed that today by using that exact scripture. He knew it would catch your attention and then he gave you a taste of the joy of his love today. He used the conference/Kenneth Cope to speak to you and your soul. What a wonderful blessing. I have thought about that ever since I have been home and know that it was just for you and maybe helped others, but it was for you.
today was a day of answered prayers and joy I will never forget this day. I am glad that I was able to share it with you. I secretly am glad that a certain mom had to miss it due to knee surgery, so I could come in her place. I really needed it.
Thank you also for the wonderful "note".
Thank you for lifting me up through your words. I am so glad you brought things to light. It's neat that you got a clearer understanding, can share it, then others gain a clearer understanding through you. Now I'm just talking in circles, I just wanted to say thanks.
I wanted to give you another quick gift of joy. You lifted me and my spirits yesterday and I hope to do the same.
Some times you may feel that all you are consumed with is depression but what I see is a woman who is a beautiful (inside and out) daughter of God. A woman who has a lot of strength to get up everyday and faces the day and its challenges. I see a woman who is filled with so much compassion that she changes the lives of her friends in a good way every day. Your compassion also is felt by the kids in your primary class as you loving try your best to teach them the gospel and touch their spirits. And your family is lucky to have you in it.
You have touched my soul and I will never be the same. thank you for being you. Thank you for being filled with strength and compassion. You are such an example to me.
I'm so glad that you got to have what sounds like a wonderful weekend with friends and that you walked away with a bit more clarity than you began with. You really are amazing, today watching you in Primary I was just like, man that girl has a testimony and a beautiful way of expressing it. You really are beautiful, outside and clearly inside too.
I am glad you went Love. I was happy to see that you all had a good experience. BTW this is a good time to tell you about "Time out for Men". Me and a few brotheren will be spending a weekend in Vegas. I am hoping that our experience will be just as valuable.
I too love those scriptures you referenced. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. You really lifted me up. It was fun being with you last night too.
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